Let Your Light Shine

For my team:

"People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within."

--Elisabeth Kuber-Ross (Psychiatrist, 5 Stages of Grief)

As we work on our leadership skills to become a better unit, remember that it is important to have confidence in our abilities, so that others will want to follow our path. I love this quote for many reasons. In my opinion, stained glass is the most beautiful when there is just a flickering of light behind it... like the light in your heart and soul. Be proud of who you are and what you do.

You all do amazing things--believe in YOU--so others can too.

Rollercoaster Week

Well the past week has come and gone. Not without it's own ups and downs however. I had a feeling this last week was going to be a little tough, but I wasn't sure how or why. For all the runners out there, maybe you can empathize as the first three days of the week I was plagued with all kinds of not fun intestinal discomfort. It's always interesting when stuff like this happens... like what did I do to you small intestine?! I've been eating the same foods that I've consumed thus far--what gives!? Needless to say... it made running hmm... a little more "exciting" some days.

However, I beat whatever was trying to bring me down! Next step was tackling the Yasso 800 workout. I might as well of had IBS... that's how nervous this workout makes me. Why you ask? Well, I guess I put some weight on it. For those who are unfamiliar with the "Yasso 800's," it's a workout designed by legend Bart Yasso, that has been deemed a fairly good predictor of your marathon performance.

Before I continue, I will say, that no, this workout is not a sure fire predictor of your marathon performance. If you google the workout, there will be a lot of haters out there that have too much time on their hands, so they blog or comment on how worthless this is as a marathon predictor workout. What I'll say, is it's pretty good, and probably just as good as any workout one of these people has deemed valuable at predicting marathon performance. At the end of the day, it all depends on the person. In my experience, it has been fairly close at predicting performance--but (if training goes well) I usually race better than the workout predicts.

So here's how it works. You do 8-10x 800. The pace you are able to complete these in is the equivalent in hours and minutes to your marathon time (with some give on either side). So for example, my target is 3:10. So if I can run the 800's at 3:10, there is a good chance I will run near a 3:10 marathon. For this reason, the workout scares me--because it gives you an inkling of where I'm at in training and how much further I need to go.

Here comes the up of the week. One of my former athletes, Joanne, joined me for this workout. Yes, she is just that good to just 'pop' in and join me. And then drill me. It was awesome. It was hard. There was a lot phlegm involved. Running with Joanne really made me miss being part of a team. I also realized how much harder I could work if I had people to push me---it's been a long time since I've done workouts with a group. By the 8th rep, Joanne embraced the role of the coach and encouraging me on--to a 3:09 (as she led). I can't thank her enough for helping me work through a tough workout to build my confidence. Now I need to find a group...so I can rediscover those fast twitch muscles I had in grade school and high school as a 200m runner... ah... so long ago...

By week end, I was ready to put in a big run. Definitely sore from the week, I chose an 'easy' long run route, that could be viewed as mentally challenging or engaging--depending on the perspective. Due to the recent snow and general nastiness that returned to South Bend I ran from campus--a 6 mile loop, repeated three times. Not exactly exciting but it works. The 18 miler pushed me to 57 miles for the week. Still walking--always a good sign :)

7 weeks until Beantown.

She paved the way...

It's incredible to think how far women have come... but how far we still have to go... if I were to pick one woman from the history of female racing that I would love to meet, it would be Joan Benoit. What she has done for the sport, for women, and just as a human being, is remarkable. It is amazing to think that I was two years old when they ran the first Women's Olympic Marathon. It would have been incredible to watch. If you want to see something truly fabulous, check out the video.

Whoa! We're half way there....

Well today marks the half way point.. 8 weeks down. 8 weeks to go. It's been interesting so far. For the most part I feel good about the training. I'm getting to the point of training though that I know the doubts are going to start creeping in my mind. It's the time of training where you are far enough out that there is still a lot to put in the legs...but it feels close enough that you wonder how you'll ever do what you planned and hoped for based on where you are currently. Maybe being conscious of this period of doubt will be enough to get me through it. This past weekend's long run was not ideal---although I should just be happy with it, I'm not.

Running along the lakeshore in Chicago was great.... as long as you were headed south. Too bad I went south for the first half. The second half into the wind was brutal and I'm pretty sure I lost my face somewhere along the way. I had to pee the entire time---hello Chicago! there are millions of runners--no bathrooms at all in the winter!? As any runner knows, having a full tank for 2+ hours is hmmm... NOT FUN. Ahhh well...

After coming down in mileage last week, I'm bumping up to 60 (hopefully) this week. The first of my Yasso 800's workout comes this week too, which should let me know how much trouble I'm in---or how on course I am so far. I've laid out the meals for the week, which should cover the enormous appetitie that will come with the miles. And then it's a matter of finding the time and energy to get those miles in on top of my other commitments. It might be time for a massage after this week!

Redemption

So--not completing the workout was really eating at me. Ruining my day, which just is not acceptable. So after work I decided to give it another stab--outside though. Unbelievable. Went over to the track and just told myself, don't worry too much about the pace, if it's not as fast you want, let's just get through it.

So the workout was 4-5x2000 +3x200. I finished one repeat in the AM. Well last night, I made it through the first repeat and it felt good. It felt much easier than it did in the morning...so I said, let's just see if I can get a couple more. Ended up doing 3, total of 4 although not at once :(  During the last one as I clicked off the laps and mentally checked my progression through the repeat...20%....40%.... if it were easy everyone would do it Jackie. 70%...This is nothing, lap and a half. 90%...Done. It was SO mentally gratifying. I probably could have gone for the 4th (or 5th) but since it's my 'recovery' week and the plan calls for going on the shorter side of mileage, I decided I would take it.

The 200's just reiterate that even distance runners have butts... and they help you find them. Which I do feel today. I'm pretty sure it was a combination of my stubbornness and frustration that called me back to the workout--which is new for me. I feel like last year I would have conceded and then been frustrated until the next good workout. I'm all in.

"Never Quit. "Don't ever, ever quit.

Recognize that stopping now, regrouping to try a new approach isn't quitting.

If you quit you'll regret it forever."

~ Rudy Ruettiger

Looking forward to my 18 miler on Saturday. Planning to run along the lake front in Chicago. Biggest run yet... so I'm hoping it feels good. I've been mentally preparing for it this week. Maybe the next post will disclose what takes place in my head for 2.5 hours of solidarity... and how amazing it is..... All you crazies out there know what I'm talking about :)

Happy Weekend---February is flying by!

Fail

Attempted my workout this morning. Fail. Not sure why it was so hard but I couldn't get through it at all. Really frustrated right now. I'm hoping to give it another shot tonight, we'll see. I was really hoping this workout would go well. This is the first week of genuine 'marathon' training, aka the hard stuff starts coming out... and it sucked. Not a good feeling. Sixty days until Boston... need to re-group.

Call me a lucky girl

Monday's text exchange:

Matt:  Get your run in?
Me:    7 miles
Matt: Nice work... was that the plan?
Me:   45-60 minutes
Matt: Dead on.
Me:   Ya this week is recovery. I'm half way through
Matt: Amazing it's that close. I was just thinking about how it's just around the corner.
Me:   Scary.
Matt: Do you feel like your plan is getting you in the shape you need?
Me:   I feel more confident, less frustrated and in better shape than last time. Not sure if I'm faster yet.
         I need to make time for the extras: core, weights, etc
Matt: You're amazing. Keep it up. Can I help you make time? How much can you do of that stuff at home?

Everyone needs a cheerleader in their corner. With all of my crazy dreams and goals, I don't think I've ever been told 'no' or 'can't' by the people in my corner. It's amazing what someone else believing in you does for your confience.

My advice, if you want to go after something---go for it. First, believe in yourself... and then make sure you have the right people on your "team." There will always be days that are hard and it will seem like you just can't do it--that's when your team lifts you up and helps you through.

I'm one lucky girl... thanks for everyone who has been a part of my "team" over the years. It means more to me than you can imagine.

8 Merry Marathons... Day 7

Marathon 7: Bayshore Marathon, Traverse City, Michigan. May 28, 2011.

"Pressure is nothing more than the shadow of great opportunity." --Michael Johnson

Deciding to do my 7th marathon was almost a no-brainer. It was going to happen. I figured, why not go back to the course that I had previously experienced success. The time of the year seemed to work well for training and generally produced nice, northern Michigan race day weather. Also, after the cross country season ends I really need something to look forward to so I can get through all the non- cross country days. A marathon, yes. I hadn't stretched my goals in the marathon in a while, so I decided it was time to put in on the table. 3:10. It sounded nice. It was a really great round number. Yes, that will be my goal. Yes, you are correct, my previous best time was a 3:18. I thought cutting 8 minutes off was a great goal.

With my team we talk about setting multiple goals. This helps ensure you see some success (build confidence), while working towards some big self-improvements. We call them A, B, and C goals.

Mine looked this this:

C goal (I should obtain fairly 'easily'): This would be matching my previous best time of 3:18. Done before,should be possible again.

B goal (challenging, but doable with the right work): I settled on a 3:15. Challenging, yet realistic.

A goal (big dream goal): 3:10. It would take a lot to get it done in this marathon, but it is definitely possible at some point.

Then I told people about my goal. I posted it above my desk at work. Everyday I saw 3:10. I found a training plan and got to work... or at least tried to. Why? Why put the pressure on myself? I think one, for the words of Michael Johnson, that pressure lies in the shadow of great opportunity. Here was an opportunity to do something really great for myself, and the pressure should not diminish my ability to capitalize on these opportunities. I'm sure Pulitzer Prize winners felt pressure on the way to their greatness. Just saying.

But it was also important for me to share my goal to: help keep me accountable for the work, hopefully set a good example and also receive support. It helps me stay honest with myself. It also feels great to have people in your corner cheering you on.

That being said, training was an absolute bear. I was mentally defeated through most of the workouts, done before they started. I tried, boy did I ever. However, I wouldn't hit times for workouts and be devastated, leaving workouts unfinished. Throughout, I knew I was training hard, but I was not surprised that I didn't meet the 'A' goal. I ran a 3:13:42 that day and I WORKED for that time.

No pressure. I'm going after the new 'A' goal... 63 days until Boston.

This post was waiting to be put up.... probably thought I needed to add more to it... but in light of the mood today, I felt it was necessary to just post.

If you would like to learn more about why I'm blogging, please check out: my info on Girls on the Run Michiana.

Sadness.

Today is the one year anniversary of my grandmother's passing. Not a day has gone by in the past year that she hasn't been on my mind or in my heart. My grandmother was such a beautiful person, both inside and out. For reasons I will spell out here, I unfortunately spent little time with my grandma in my adult years.

There are two memories that I will hold onto. One story will hopefully bring smiles and joy. The other, has only been shared with a very select few, but I feel like I want to share it here.

One of my fondest memories of my grandma was as an adult. We went to buy a dress for her to wear to my wedding. I brought her from South Bend and my mom brought nana from Chicago. We met in the middle. This excursion consisted of possibly the most one on one interaction my grandmother and I shared in my adult life. It was hard to find time with a grandmother of 30+ grandchildren, of which I'm the second oldest.

The trip was great. We had a chance to talk about what each of us were doing... some of our concerns (we had some sick family members), etc.. She was up for anything and I loved it. I was in and out of dressing rooms with both of my grandmas. They showed me battle scars of childbirth and surgeries, laughing as they went. Really, just hilarious. This is how it works. You have kids, you devote your life to them. Then you are 80 and wrinkled with the curtain of a dressing room open and don't give a damn. You've made it!

Grandma picked out a beautiful silver dress and jacket. Why stop there!? She was so cute to watch as she let the woman accessorize her (something she never does---maybe this is where I get it). She got the shoes, the earrings, the necklace, the bag---she looked amazing. I honestly don't know that I've ever seen my grandmother look more beautiful than she did on my wedding day. Her best accessory was her killer smile. It always makes me happy. I was so thankful to have this day with her--to share time, stories and a great afternoon.

This is a happy memory.

As previously stated, my grandma passed a year ago today. Around Christmas time, it was discovered that she had cancer. Despite check ups every 6 months, she had cancer. It was everywhere. It was devastating. My grandmother was the epitome of strength.

Some days when I am having a tough day, I try to imagine how I would respond to any one of the challenges life set before her---she would push on--that's how. And now she would try to push through cancer. To try to describe someone battling cancer is a lost cause, but as with everything, she kept her faith and remained strong.

In the weeks leading up to her death, I was not able to see her. Understandably, they were trying to prevent illnesses from coming into the house and taking her away any sooner. Not being able to see her was one of the most heart wrenching things I think I've had to go through. I called and tried to talk to her, knowing that it took all of her energy to stay focused and engaged on the phone, let alone talk. I sent flowers. Purple flowers--her favorite color.

The 12th was a Saturday, and with Valentine's Day and her birthday (17th) approaching, I went to get her flowers to send to the house. We knew that time was precious at this point and I made sure that they were delivered ASAP. The next part is what I haven't really shared....

The night of my grandmother's passing, I had a dream. In my dream I was working an intramural game at Saint Mary's. I looked up into the stands and my grandma was sitting there. She was radiant. She was there in jeans and a sweater, with her hair a glorious, glowing white. The brightest, most beautiful white hair I've ever seen. She was beaming--a broad smile that gave her crinkles around her eyes--the ones that let you know she's really happy. I was mesmerized by her even in my dream. And then she spoke to me, and she said, "It's ok Jackie, you can come and see me now."

I woke up to my phone buzzing a text message from my dad saying that my grandma had passed that night. It was surreal. She came and saw me before she left. While I would have done just about anything to have seen her before she passed, I feel eternally blessed that she came and comforted me, even in her final hour. I know that I was truly touched by an angel that night.

Maybe we always had a special connection. Maybe it's a grandmother's love. Thankfully, she received my flowers to know that I was praying for, and maybe she felt my heartache. Thankfully, she left knowing how much I loved her.

At her funeral, she wore the remarkable silver dress from my wedding.

And you thought I was nuts....

I've done my job. That's what I'm telling myself at least.

One of my goals as a coach is to show that running is much more than a sport. It's a lifestyle. It's part of your life, not just something you do for 3 months of the year. Not all of my athletes will become life long runners, and that's fine. It always makes me excited to see the ones that have made running a part of their life. I hope I contributed to that love or passion for running that what was once a sport has become a part of their day. That makes me feel fulfilled.

This weekend, the two from 'team crazy' that came up to run with me on my birthday are traveling down to Birmingham, Alabama for the Mercedez-Benz Marathon.... which will be the first of 5, yes FIVE, for Caitlin this year, and the first of at least 2 this year for Al. So... you thought I was crazy running one!

Why would someone do such a thing? For a great cause... Caitlin's brother has been serving in Afghanistan for I don't know how long now, but I can't imagine having a brother, my twin, being over there. Anyway, her five marathons are part of her bigger cause, running for Wounded Warriors. Please feel free to check out her website and help her out: http://www.runningforwarriors.com/

I'm so proud of both Caitlin and Alicen. I love that running has brought them closer and kep them close in the years after Saint Mary's. Just one of the perks of the sport.

Best of luck this weekend ladies! I know you will be spectacular :)

Inspiration...

I dare you to not be moved by this video.

“Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”  --Thomas Edison

Case of the Mondays

I was definitely riding a high for the past week, which was great. Although tough, I made it through the workouts. Nailed a hilly 16 miler on Saturday morning. It was a week of alumnae and sunshine. I'm not sure if it's the weather or what... but today I have a serious case of the Mondays. In a Dredg mood...

"Here we go down that same old road again

Empathy controls the wind that blows and tickles our skin

A memory, a regret, a hope, a stimulant....

Recent it seems

We must push on, we must push on

Though we bleed

We must push on, we must push on...."

8 Merry Marathons... Day 6..

San Francisco Marathon, July 25, 2010

I can't find a quote to quite put into words what I took away from this marathon. However, the shirt I picked up at the expo said, "Worth the Hurt" across the front, and I believe that is fairly fitting.

The San Francisco Marathon has probably been my favorite to date. Don't get me wrong, there have been a lot of fun times with the others, but SF was special. This is how it happened to be that I ran SF in 2010:

I'm sitting on the couch around Christmas of 2009, deliberating over what race to try to train for, especially in light of my wedding, quickly approaching. I thought--Bayshore, I'll go back-- it's not too far away, it's at a great time of the year, it's fun... sure let's do that. So I ask Matt about it. On board with this idea? It's about a month and a half before the wedding... the downside being I might be on the DL for running leading up to the wedding (not good).

So usually Matt is in agreement with these things... but he said no! I was taken aback, but not nearly as taken aback as to what followed... he wanted to run a marathon together on our honeymoon! San Fran was the only real option in the states the following weekend. NUTS. Here is a man who would get on me for asking him to run 4 miles together. HE wanted to run a marathon... with me! Now that's something!

This is the first reason that I loved San Fran. I ran it with my husband, the "non" runner.
We trained together a lot. Many a 8-10 milers. Most all of our long runs. He could kick my butt. That was humbling to say the least, and even more frustrating that he was "not a runner." As most runners know, the road is where relationships are built, strengthened, and solidified. I feel like marathon training was one of the best things we could have done together leading up to our wedding. It gave us hours to talk about things, or not talk about things that were on our minds. It gave us time to find out what annoyed us about each other and what we loved.

Barely a week after tying the knot, we were out to Cali---enjoying Napa before heading to San Fran for the marathon. I loved that there was no pressure. No time goal per se. The deal was that we were going to run together. The whole time. Start to finish. That's exactly what we did.



On the balcony pre-race. Yes, it was that dark!

 The course is just awesome. Being my first time in San Fran, I would say it's the best way to see the city. You start on the Embarcadero... head past Fisherman's Wharf, past Chrissy Fields and up to the Golden Gate Bridge. You run across the bridge...and back over. At that point you're around 7-8 miles. You come off the bridge and run through the park for miles. I had to pee at 13 miles. The hills are everywhere. No, not quite the hills that you see in pictures with the street cars struggling up... but some weren't so far off. You run down Haight Ashbury... you see the drag queens. Miles 21-23 are rough. There's hardly anyone around and hardly anything to see and of course, you are in extreme pain at this point.

You round the home of the Giants... The long home stretch calls you... It was amazing. Draining. Exhausting.

We finished in 3:34. Together. Then ate all the goodies our stomachs could handle until we felt sick and meandered back to the hotel to attempt at a nap...  Worth the hurt.

8 Merry Marathons... Day 5...

So I started this marathon count down project before training started... and then life happened. It was Christmas. I lost a family member. I lost momentum. It was hard to get back to the goal but I feel like I need to finish it, for myself.

Marathon 5: Sunburst, South Bend, IN June 2009

"You can’t cram for the final. By that, I mean you’re not going to get any fitter during the last couple of  weeks before the race. So don’t try cramming any last minute long runs or extra training. The best thing you can do for your body is rest." -- Gordon Bakoulis Bloch

Ok, so while I didn't 'cram' for Sunburst, I definitely was not ready for it.... not because I was unprepared....because I was overworked. If I had run the marathon even 3 weeks earlier, I probably could have had a huge PR day. This is the joy of being able to look back on races and training....doesn't help you on that day...but hopefully it helps you in the future.

Leading up to Sunburst, I was running well. Really well at the long distance. At the beginning of May I 'rocked' a 20 miler along the Potomac. 7:40 pace... ya probably should have just added the last 6 and run my Sunburst time of 3:23. Good grief! That wasn't the killer though. The killer was agreeing to run the River Bank 25k a week later (roughly four weeks out from the marathon). I ran a 1:53 at the distance. 7:16 pace...aka practically goal pace for Boston this year. It's not an easy course. It has some real decent hills. I would recommend it to anyone---just not that close to a marathon. The problem is.. I cannot enter a race and not compete... what was a "oh ya... I'll just run and use this as a training run" turned into how well can I race this thing. Too competitive. Tried to convince myself that I was 'holding back.' whoops. I'm pretty sure my dad advised against running this one... dang.

So... what is the point you ask? Well these training runs did not prepare me to race well at Sunburst, and I subsequently felt it at mile 16... hated myself at 20... was running (walking) alone up past mile 23... and just wanting it to be over. Mentally, I was totally defeated. I was on pace for a 3:08-3:12 through the first half and just fell apart. It was too much. Lesson learned---just because you can, doesn't mean you should go balls out on training runs. I feel like I've really learned a lot about how I best train...and while I love to run long at a good clip, it needs to be done in moderation. Glad to put this one behind me.

Sunburst 3:23. 9th woman