Date with the treadmill.
10 miles.
Quads are talking to me.
Keep pushing.
Pain is weakness leaving the body.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Greatest Fear
Felt like this was a good post for today.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us."
"We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
--Marianne Williamson
I'm starting to feel ready to let the light back out....
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
A tribute to YOU
Uncondtional Love: affection with no limits or conditions; complete love
For the past week, this is what I have felt from family and friends. It has been amazing. Since walking away from the course last Monday, I have been totally overwhelmed by the number of emails, text messages, face book posting, cards, calls and support from friends and family. It has been both healing and painful, in a weird way. It is indescribable how I've felt with all this love pouring in. Although I never felt like anyone ever valued me solely for my running ability (or at least anyone I would call a friend), it has been incredible to hear that you are OK without it. You're OK, no great! even with a DNF. It's a little hard to grapple to be honest, which is why it hurts. Not because I feel like I need to run well to feel good about myself, but because running well does make me feel good about myself---and I really wanted to have that feeling last Monday.
So, in order to get me back on track and also honor all of YOU, who have continued to let me be myself, Jackie, here is a posting of your kind words. I share these for everyone to see the power of kindness. The power of reaching out to friends. I also feel like I want to capture all these words as a reminder to myself, today and in the future, that even when I feel like I've "failed", things will still be OK. I hope everyone is all right with me sharing.... Unfortunately, I do not think I'll be able to put them all up.
I'm pretty sure this was the first message in on Monday:
"Jackie, I love you and am still incredibly proud of you." --Joanne
"Strong amazing and SMART. Definitely not worth the risks. You are a fantastic role model. It is hard to know when enough is enough. That takes smarts and courage. Be sad and pissed for a while. And then hold your head high in confidence. Very proud to be your friend." later... "Mother Nature is a bitch. Seriously. I would kick her ass if I didn't suspect she is closely connected to God." ---Kris
"Love you like a sister. Just hope you're ok...." --Lisa
"Have a good trip! I hope you're not too upset. I'd rather have a functioning Jackie than a finisher Jackie" --Becca
"Are you ok?! Your time dropped off the computer--I am praying you are!!" --Ann
"That is HOT. Unfortunately runners can't control everything on race day. Your decision to stop was wise and had to be a HARD one to do. Good thing you are 30 for a whole year and there will be other marathons to get that 3:0? ;) " --Kristy
"I was so worried about you--so I'm happy you had the sense to do what needed to be done. I give you SO many kudos for training and attempting! Wow!" --Debbie
"Jackie, love you no matter what! You are amazing... and smart for not killing yourself! If you want another go at it, I know 2 girls running a marathon next weekend that you could run with :) not a 3:08 but maybe a 4:08. Love you!" ---Caitlin
I've been meaning to write you to say, "Screw the elements." There wasn't a doubt in anyone's mind that you were going to run 3.0x. Maybe you weren't sure, but everyone else was. You're awesome, you threw your heart and soul into training and GOTR, as well as many others, are forever changed because of that. Don't stop being you. Much love, Laura
"Proud of you sis. You'll pounce on another one. I know the journey was hard but worth it. You're my rock star." --Fritz
"Love you tons Jackie. We're so so SO proud of you! YOU'RE FANTASTIC!" --Dani
Jackie... Heard about Boston....just wanted you to know that I was thinking about you. I know our situations are different, but I know how devastating it is to train and then have things go NOTHING according to plan. Just please know that you are my running hero! You are my inspiration for training and having a passion for running. I'm proud of you for getting through the training, as well as for blogging about it (b/c as you said numerous times....that isn't like you to do). Know that I think you rock! Also, just getting to Boston...Holdy S*** that in itself is an accomplishment :) Hope to see you this Friday. Thinking about you! --Kathleen
Know that all of you have touched me and for that-- I'm forever grateful.
Know that little gestures move hearts.
“Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” --Mother Teresa
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Heartbreak
At the expo on Saturday, I was rummaging through all of the merchandise and fancied a t-shirt that had a heart broken in half with Heartbreaker written across it along with some other text. I looked at it and wanted to kick Heartbreak Hill's butt right then and there. Mentally, my game was 100% on.
Instead, two days later I found myself unwilling to continue the race to make it to the notorious Heartbreak Hill. My heart sank. It is sunk. Since Monday, I've thought over the race and my decision to pull out at the half way point countless times. Unfortunately, each time seems to muddle what once seemed like an easy and appropriate decision.
Well before the start of the race it was evident that Boston was not going to be a PR endeavor. Initially, it almost felt like some relief--the weight of my own expectations were lifted from my shoulders. There was a lot of back and forth conversation, but although other people deferred to next year, I knew this wasn't an option, with all the travel and expenses that had already been incurred, so I tried to be as ready and positive as possible.
There was no way to predict what was about to come. On Monday, I arrived at athlete's village right around 7:30 am. It was already warm. I sat in the village, trying to keep out of the sun and my skin cool for the 2 hours before departing for the starting line. I peed three times from 7:30 until the gun went off. There was no way to get any more fluids in me, and I had been consuming gatorade and water in excess for the past 4 days. My pee was clear.
Standing in the corral awaiting the gun, beads of sweat ran down my chest. My plan was to take it as a nice long, easy run. Well, that didn't happen. Maybe it's because it's a race and I can't hold back, I don't know. Out of the gates I was at or faster than original goal pace---and it felt great! My legs just wanted to go! A good sign that the training had come together. After cruising through the 10k the heat, coupled with the pace, really started to impact my running. I couldn't get cook despite drinking at every station and running through the sprinklers.
Not Good.
So I decided to bargain with myself. Make it through Wellesley to see the girls. It's time to pull out. My feet were scorching. My shoulders felt like they were on fire. Running for possibly two more hours just seemed silly. Why? Just to have another crappy finish time? At that point I guess finishing wasn't the priority. It seemed stupid. My body was hating me already---13 more miles!? This felt worse than Chicago in 2007. Maybe it's because I've had some decent marathons since then too, that I just wasn't ready to put up with that crap. I pulled out at the Red Cross tent at 13.4 miles. Absolute in my decision, I started to process what I had just done.
I thought about all the people on the course cheering for me. The teammate from college--her kids making posters for me--waiting at mile 24. A college friend and husband in Newton--I wouldn't make it to them. Matt--who was bopping around the course, and how I wasn't going to make it to his next spot. I thought about all the people who had sent me cards, words of encouragement and had been my biggest supporters. I thought about all the people who contributed to my fundraising efforts for Girls on the Run. I thought about my team who sent me off in the best way possible. I thought about all my hard work over the past four months.
Only then did I feel like a failure. I feel like I had let people down. I let myself down. But how? There was no way I was going to achieve what I had set out to do anyway! Then I finally let myself cry. In the car, on the way to retrieve my belongings at the finish, amid all the finishers, with their sense of accomplishment and triumph. Medals around their neck and gimps in their step. I longed to be one of them but it wasn't in the cards.
A few days later, I'm still trying to figure this all out. I'm not satisfied with any of it. You don't bust tail and make sacrifices for that long to have a freak hot day on the east coast ruin you. That's how I feel about it. This was supposed to be my curtain call race so to speak, with plans to take a break from marathons for a while. Totally unacceptable. I'm too stubborn. Now my head is all over the place though and I keep looking for which way to go--and I don't know. Run another race? What if that sucks too? Do you try for a marathon? Try for a 1/2? Say that it's over?
Right now there is no answer. I wish I could put my new Boston jacket on and wear it with pride. The tags hang on it, the burnt orange color a reminder of the blazing inferno, as it taunts me. I can't wear it---will I ever?
When running is such a large part of your identity---how do you bounce back, after heartbreak?
Instead, two days later I found myself unwilling to continue the race to make it to the notorious Heartbreak Hill. My heart sank. It is sunk. Since Monday, I've thought over the race and my decision to pull out at the half way point countless times. Unfortunately, each time seems to muddle what once seemed like an easy and appropriate decision.
Well before the start of the race it was evident that Boston was not going to be a PR endeavor. Initially, it almost felt like some relief--the weight of my own expectations were lifted from my shoulders. There was a lot of back and forth conversation, but although other people deferred to next year, I knew this wasn't an option, with all the travel and expenses that had already been incurred, so I tried to be as ready and positive as possible.
There was no way to predict what was about to come. On Monday, I arrived at athlete's village right around 7:30 am. It was already warm. I sat in the village, trying to keep out of the sun and my skin cool for the 2 hours before departing for the starting line. I peed three times from 7:30 until the gun went off. There was no way to get any more fluids in me, and I had been consuming gatorade and water in excess for the past 4 days. My pee was clear.
Standing in the corral awaiting the gun, beads of sweat ran down my chest. My plan was to take it as a nice long, easy run. Well, that didn't happen. Maybe it's because it's a race and I can't hold back, I don't know. Out of the gates I was at or faster than original goal pace---and it felt great! My legs just wanted to go! A good sign that the training had come together. After cruising through the 10k the heat, coupled with the pace, really started to impact my running. I couldn't get cook despite drinking at every station and running through the sprinklers.
Not Good.
So I decided to bargain with myself. Make it through Wellesley to see the girls. It's time to pull out. My feet were scorching. My shoulders felt like they were on fire. Running for possibly two more hours just seemed silly. Why? Just to have another crappy finish time? At that point I guess finishing wasn't the priority. It seemed stupid. My body was hating me already---13 more miles!? This felt worse than Chicago in 2007. Maybe it's because I've had some decent marathons since then too, that I just wasn't ready to put up with that crap. I pulled out at the Red Cross tent at 13.4 miles. Absolute in my decision, I started to process what I had just done.
I thought about all the people on the course cheering for me. The teammate from college--her kids making posters for me--waiting at mile 24. A college friend and husband in Newton--I wouldn't make it to them. Matt--who was bopping around the course, and how I wasn't going to make it to his next spot. I thought about all the people who had sent me cards, words of encouragement and had been my biggest supporters. I thought about all the people who contributed to my fundraising efforts for Girls on the Run. I thought about my team who sent me off in the best way possible. I thought about all my hard work over the past four months.
Only then did I feel like a failure. I feel like I had let people down. I let myself down. But how? There was no way I was going to achieve what I had set out to do anyway! Then I finally let myself cry. In the car, on the way to retrieve my belongings at the finish, amid all the finishers, with their sense of accomplishment and triumph. Medals around their neck and gimps in their step. I longed to be one of them but it wasn't in the cards.
A few days later, I'm still trying to figure this all out. I'm not satisfied with any of it. You don't bust tail and make sacrifices for that long to have a freak hot day on the east coast ruin you. That's how I feel about it. This was supposed to be my curtain call race so to speak, with plans to take a break from marathons for a while. Totally unacceptable. I'm too stubborn. Now my head is all over the place though and I keep looking for which way to go--and I don't know. Run another race? What if that sucks too? Do you try for a marathon? Try for a 1/2? Say that it's over?
Right now there is no answer. I wish I could put my new Boston jacket on and wear it with pride. The tags hang on it, the burnt orange color a reminder of the blazing inferno, as it taunts me. I can't wear it---will I ever?
When running is such a large part of your identity---how do you bounce back, after heartbreak?
Sunday, April 15, 2012
BAA weather advisory email
Just in case you were wondering....
Update to Entrants in Tomorrow's Boston Marathon®
Sunday, April 15, 2012 as of 4:30 p.m.
Running any marathon involves risks
The weather conditions that we will be seeing on Monday, April 16 will involve even more risk. It will involve an increased element of risk to all participants due to the heat. Only the fittest runners should consider participating.
We have put in place a broad array of services and support for our marathon participants, but the risks that will be presented on April 16 will be higher than normal.
Therefore, in cooperation with the Boston Marathon's Medical Team, it is our recommendation that anyone entered in the marathon who has not met the qualifying standards for their age and gender strongly consider not running, and that they strongly consider deferring until next year.
Another essential factor to take into consideration is whether you have ever run a full marathon in weather conditions involving hot temperatures-and that can mean temperatures even lower than those that may be present on Monday. Do NOT assume that any experience you have in running a cooler marathon will be a reliable guide in making the decision in whether to participate or defer. You must factor in the heat.
Everyone who does choose to participate should strongly consider running significantly more slowly that they normally would plan to run a marathon. We have extended the opening of our finish line in support of this recommendation.
For the overwhelming majority of those who have entered to participate in the 2012 Boston Marathon, you should adopt the attitude that THIS IS NOT A RACE. It is an experience.
MOST IMPORTANTLY-everyone needs to take responsibility for their own safety. Ultimately this is an individual sport in which individuals must take responsibility for themselves.
Boston Athletic Association
That's what I've been reading....but don't freak out!
Update to Entrants in Tomorrow's Boston Marathon®
Sunday, April 15, 2012 as of 4:30 p.m.
Running any marathon involves risks
The weather conditions that we will be seeing on Monday, April 16 will involve even more risk. It will involve an increased element of risk to all participants due to the heat. Only the fittest runners should consider participating.
We have put in place a broad array of services and support for our marathon participants, but the risks that will be presented on April 16 will be higher than normal.
Therefore, in cooperation with the Boston Marathon's Medical Team, it is our recommendation that anyone entered in the marathon who has not met the qualifying standards for their age and gender strongly consider not running, and that they strongly consider deferring until next year.
Another essential factor to take into consideration is whether you have ever run a full marathon in weather conditions involving hot temperatures-and that can mean temperatures even lower than those that may be present on Monday. Do NOT assume that any experience you have in running a cooler marathon will be a reliable guide in making the decision in whether to participate or defer. You must factor in the heat.
Everyone who does choose to participate should strongly consider running significantly more slowly that they normally would plan to run a marathon. We have extended the opening of our finish line in support of this recommendation.
For the overwhelming majority of those who have entered to participate in the 2012 Boston Marathon, you should adopt the attitude that THIS IS NOT A RACE. It is an experience.
MOST IMPORTANTLY-everyone needs to take responsibility for their own safety. Ultimately this is an individual sport in which individuals must take responsibility for themselves.
Boston Athletic Association
That's what I've been reading....but don't freak out!
This is where the road took me....
Ok people... Race day is upon us. In order to get to bed at a reasonable time, I will keep this brief and not 100% precise. Here are some figures though:
16 weeks ago I started a journey and set the goal of running a sub 3:10 marathon in Boston at the age of 30.
During that time I averaged roughly 50 miles a week for somewhere around 800 miles. These miles were logged on 3 pairs of Wave Riders (4th for the marathon). These babies now run $115 but I always get a deal.
I had a half dozen or so training buddies that helped me log the miles and For whom I am forever thankful.
My goal was to raise money for Girls on the Run. The goal started at $1000, then $1500, then why not $2000. If you can do it, why not? Nearly 40 donations came in and helped me exceed my goal with a race day total of $2620.00. A big thank you to my parents for the last push and putting me at 100x my distance!
All of these numbers bring me to one that is sort of sad. Tomorrow it is supposed to be 87 degrees. Having lived through Chicago in 2007 I know this means my dream of a sub 3:10 is out of reach.
It breaks my heart a little really. All this time and effort--and I don't get to put the hard work on the line tomorrow. I'm hoping to run a smart and safe race. Some friends aren't running because they know it's not a PR day. But you know what? I'm here. I worked hard and I want to cross that finish line!
It's time for bed. Thank you for all the well wishes. I can't believe I'm running tomorrow!
16 weeks ago I started a journey and set the goal of running a sub 3:10 marathon in Boston at the age of 30.
During that time I averaged roughly 50 miles a week for somewhere around 800 miles. These miles were logged on 3 pairs of Wave Riders (4th for the marathon). These babies now run $115 but I always get a deal.
I had a half dozen or so training buddies that helped me log the miles and For whom I am forever thankful.
My goal was to raise money for Girls on the Run. The goal started at $1000, then $1500, then why not $2000. If you can do it, why not? Nearly 40 donations came in and helped me exceed my goal with a race day total of $2620.00. A big thank you to my parents for the last push and putting me at 100x my distance!
All of these numbers bring me to one that is sort of sad. Tomorrow it is supposed to be 87 degrees. Having lived through Chicago in 2007 I know this means my dream of a sub 3:10 is out of reach.
It breaks my heart a little really. All this time and effort--and I don't get to put the hard work on the line tomorrow. I'm hoping to run a smart and safe race. Some friends aren't running because they know it's not a PR day. But you know what? I'm here. I worked hard and I want to cross that finish line!
It's time for bed. Thank you for all the well wishes. I can't believe I'm running tomorrow!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Well said & in town...
"Running has given me the courage to start, the determination to keep trying, and the childlike spirit to have fun along the way. Run often and run long, but never outrun your joy of running."
--Julie Isphording, ran 1st women's Olympic Marathon in 1984
I'm pretty sure this sums up my relationship with running. God I would have loved to been at the 1984 Olympics, the women are just remarkable.
Made it to Beantown. Race day weather: 87 degrees.
--Julie Isphording, ran 1st women's Olympic Marathon in 1984
I'm pretty sure this sums up my relationship with running. God I would have loved to been at the 1984 Olympics, the women are just remarkable.
Made it to Beantown. Race day weather: 87 degrees.
Team Crazy :)
I can't begin to express how thankful I am for all of the support I have received in the past four months--and especially in the last few weeks and days.
Every time I turn a corner I feel like well wishes and gummies are being bestowed on me--how does one girl get so lucky?
Today, I had several of surprises, all of which brought a smile to my face. But one also brought tears of joy and pride (?). As we prepared to head out for practice the team suddenly just up and left. A few minutes later they returned with "team crazy supports bib #7150" shirts on. Awesome. A coach lives for these kind of moments.
I really hope I can make everyone proud. You'll all be on my mind.
Thank you! Hopefully more pre-race. Depart tomorrow!
Every time I turn a corner I feel like well wishes and gummies are being bestowed on me--how does one girl get so lucky?
Today, I had several of surprises, all of which brought a smile to my face. But one also brought tears of joy and pride (?). As we prepared to head out for practice the team suddenly just up and left. A few minutes later they returned with "team crazy supports bib #7150" shirts on. Awesome. A coach lives for these kind of moments.
I really hope I can make everyone proud. You'll all be on my mind.
Thank you! Hopefully more pre-race. Depart tomorrow!
Secret Entry
The content of this entry will be revealed on Monday, April 16th or soon after the running of the Boston Marathon.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
GRATITUDE
A few weeks ago I was asked to fill in for a Girls on the Run coach at one of our sites. I hadn't coached since last spring at Swanson. I was both anxious and excited to be back. Being passionate about the mission and messages of GOTR makes it easy to get back into the groove.
These girls were amazing! A unique bunch, like always, there were all types of personalities, energy levels and feelings towards running. The lesson for the day was Gratitude--which I noted at the time as being so fitting for me to sub in light of my campaign.
I started thinking about all the things I was grateful for: in my life, my relationships, my career, etc.. And it's a long list. In light of this SoleMates effort though I decided to do the activity like the girls--think of something for each letter of gratitude--and run a lap after each letter. They come up with some funny stuff! Ice cream, underwear, traffic lights! You never know where their little minds go, and some of them can be challenging.
This is an attempt I came up with on my run the other day. Yes, this is what I think about some days.
Goals--that is what started this challenge and continued to motivate me along the way.
Relatives--oh man they have heard about the ups and downs and still put up with me (sort of!).
Alumnae--These women make my world a better place.
Team--they become alumnae, 'Nuf said... And the concept of team never gets old for me.
Insight--why I love training, it helps me learn more about myself.
Training partners--while infrequent, they are always enjoyed and provide a great pick me up.
Underwear--hey! Why can't I use this one too!? I think we're better off for it!
Donors--I'm continually surprised and inspired by the willingness to give to my cause.
Enthusiasm--it makes anything easier--and more fun!
Ok, this does not do my list justice... But it's an attempt.
What are you thankful for?
These girls were amazing! A unique bunch, like always, there were all types of personalities, energy levels and feelings towards running. The lesson for the day was Gratitude--which I noted at the time as being so fitting for me to sub in light of my campaign.
I started thinking about all the things I was grateful for: in my life, my relationships, my career, etc.. And it's a long list. In light of this SoleMates effort though I decided to do the activity like the girls--think of something for each letter of gratitude--and run a lap after each letter. They come up with some funny stuff! Ice cream, underwear, traffic lights! You never know where their little minds go, and some of them can be challenging.
This is an attempt I came up with on my run the other day. Yes, this is what I think about some days.
Goals--that is what started this challenge and continued to motivate me along the way.
Relatives--oh man they have heard about the ups and downs and still put up with me (sort of!).
Alumnae--These women make my world a better place.
Team--they become alumnae, 'Nuf said... And the concept of team never gets old for me.
Insight--why I love training, it helps me learn more about myself.
Training partners--while infrequent, they are always enjoyed and provide a great pick me up.
Underwear--hey! Why can't I use this one too!? I think we're better off for it!
Donors--I'm continually surprised and inspired by the willingness to give to my cause.
Enthusiasm--it makes anything easier--and more fun!
Ok, this does not do my list justice... But it's an attempt.
What are you thankful for?
Monday, April 9, 2012
Boom shakalaka
One week!!!
I had some awesome training runs in the past week. I'm taking that as a sign that it is all coming together.
Thursday was 3xmile at tempo interval pace. Ended up doing 6:35s roughly and felt good. More than anything gave the lungs a workout. Just great.
Proudest of my Saturday run. By design it was shorter--for the taper--but was a fast finish run. I have been unsuccessful at most of my fast finish run attempts (I have my theories) so I really wanted to do this one well and feel confident.
Well, Friday I finally got a much needed massage, which probably helped Saturday's run as well. The idea for the 10-12 miler was to mimic the course as much as possible and do the last 4-6 building to goal pace and just beyond--really fatiguing the legs.
So I picked what many people would consider an awful course to run. Down Cleveland to SMC and back. Basically 5 each way. I like it because I don't have to think and it's a down hill at the start and a series of upgrades in the last few miles.
Started out faster than I was supposed to but was even trying to control the pace--it just felt ghat good! Rolled through the first five like nothing. Then it was time to change gears.
First time it's been easy for me all training. I think at least partially, if not mostly, because it wasn't a dramatic jump in pace. Anyway, the last five were great. It's exactly where I want my mind to be next Monday. Nothing was too big. Climbed the hill at Castle Point faster than race pace and felt good. Last mile came in at 6:50. Of course then I wanted to be done--but mission accomplished! Bada bing! Bada boom!
I'm ready to tear up Heartbreak hill. Bring it!
I had some awesome training runs in the past week. I'm taking that as a sign that it is all coming together.
Thursday was 3xmile at tempo interval pace. Ended up doing 6:35s roughly and felt good. More than anything gave the lungs a workout. Just great.
Proudest of my Saturday run. By design it was shorter--for the taper--but was a fast finish run. I have been unsuccessful at most of my fast finish run attempts (I have my theories) so I really wanted to do this one well and feel confident.
Well, Friday I finally got a much needed massage, which probably helped Saturday's run as well. The idea for the 10-12 miler was to mimic the course as much as possible and do the last 4-6 building to goal pace and just beyond--really fatiguing the legs.
So I picked what many people would consider an awful course to run. Down Cleveland to SMC and back. Basically 5 each way. I like it because I don't have to think and it's a down hill at the start and a series of upgrades in the last few miles.
Started out faster than I was supposed to but was even trying to control the pace--it just felt ghat good! Rolled through the first five like nothing. Then it was time to change gears.
First time it's been easy for me all training. I think at least partially, if not mostly, because it wasn't a dramatic jump in pace. Anyway, the last five were great. It's exactly where I want my mind to be next Monday. Nothing was too big. Climbed the hill at Castle Point faster than race pace and felt good. Last mile came in at 6:50. Of course then I wanted to be done--but mission accomplished! Bada bing! Bada boom!
I'm ready to tear up Heartbreak hill. Bring it!
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Choices...and finding the "right" answer
Yesterday one of my athletes came in to talk to me. After a few minutes, she shared how distraught she felt over a recent decision--which required choosing between some family time and school work. Visibly upset, I tried to empathize with her. The only solace I could offer though is the decision has been made, and now you just need to move forward with that choice.
After talking with her I headed out for my workout and thought a lot about what she was going through. Being comfortable with the decisions you make is easier said than done. As you get older, there are more decisions to make. The choices carry a little more weight.
I've actually been thinking about this a lot recently. This past weekend after my long run I felt a little down. I started reflecting on my training--the past 13 weeks and beyond. My conclusion: I could have done more. I could have cross-trained more to be fitter. I could have lifted more to be stronger. I could have done more hills to be more prepared for the race course. These were all decisions that I had along the way but as I sulked, I had to be ok with my choices. And after my 10 minutes of pouting, I did feel ok about my choices.
Why don't I train more? Harder? Longer? I'll tell you. Somewhere along the way to becoming who I am today, I decided that I wanted a 'balanced' life. For me that means being able to spend time with my family and friends, working my odd hours, and being involved in the community---while maintaining a good relationship with exercise and running specifically. So while my day is often arranged best as possible around my running (nutrition, sleep, weather make for scheduling better running times), it is not the end all.
In fact, why I was so bummed on Saturday after my run was because my training partner was sharing how much time and effort she had put into her training and it made mine feel sub-par. It's hard to remind yourself that everyone is different and has different capacities and abilities. It worked for her---but for my training time to increase it would probably mean I was sacrificing somewhere else in my life.
The hard lesson is finding what is "right" for you. There is no right or wrong. For the people that make running their life---I'm jealous, in a way. I tell myself that if I were able to give that time and devotion to training, I could be even better than I am today. Unfortunately, I don't see that happening. Largely, because I do work hard now and know that my other responsibilities and interests take up so much time that something else would have to give to actually be successful. So it works for some and I need to live with my choices.
I don't regret the choices I've made. I have phenomenal friends and family and I couldn't imagine not spending time with them. I have a team that I love to work with and wish I could be with more often. It's just hard to imagine that I haven't tapped all my potential because of my choices---not because I'm unable.
And... well life is funny... your choices will always change. You will graduate from college and not have to worry about picking studying over something else. There will be phases where some things need to come to the forefront and others need to sit on the back burner.
Ultimately though.... isn't it pretty damn good to have choices?? I'd say so.
After talking with her I headed out for my workout and thought a lot about what she was going through. Being comfortable with the decisions you make is easier said than done. As you get older, there are more decisions to make. The choices carry a little more weight.
I've actually been thinking about this a lot recently. This past weekend after my long run I felt a little down. I started reflecting on my training--the past 13 weeks and beyond. My conclusion: I could have done more. I could have cross-trained more to be fitter. I could have lifted more to be stronger. I could have done more hills to be more prepared for the race course. These were all decisions that I had along the way but as I sulked, I had to be ok with my choices. And after my 10 minutes of pouting, I did feel ok about my choices.
Why don't I train more? Harder? Longer? I'll tell you. Somewhere along the way to becoming who I am today, I decided that I wanted a 'balanced' life. For me that means being able to spend time with my family and friends, working my odd hours, and being involved in the community---while maintaining a good relationship with exercise and running specifically. So while my day is often arranged best as possible around my running (nutrition, sleep, weather make for scheduling better running times), it is not the end all.
In fact, why I was so bummed on Saturday after my run was because my training partner was sharing how much time and effort she had put into her training and it made mine feel sub-par. It's hard to remind yourself that everyone is different and has different capacities and abilities. It worked for her---but for my training time to increase it would probably mean I was sacrificing somewhere else in my life.
The hard lesson is finding what is "right" for you. There is no right or wrong. For the people that make running their life---I'm jealous, in a way. I tell myself that if I were able to give that time and devotion to training, I could be even better than I am today. Unfortunately, I don't see that happening. Largely, because I do work hard now and know that my other responsibilities and interests take up so much time that something else would have to give to actually be successful. So it works for some and I need to live with my choices.
I don't regret the choices I've made. I have phenomenal friends and family and I couldn't imagine not spending time with them. I have a team that I love to work with and wish I could be with more often. It's just hard to imagine that I haven't tapped all my potential because of my choices---not because I'm unable.
And... well life is funny... your choices will always change. You will graduate from college and not have to worry about picking studying over something else. There will be phases where some things need to come to the forefront and others need to sit on the back burner.
Ultimately though.... isn't it pretty damn good to have choices?? I'd say so.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Blogging on blogs...
A few weeks ago I was interviewed by a Notre Dame student who is an assistant coach for Girls on the Run this spring. She is currently writing a blog for the Michiana Runners Association--and is doing a great job!
Here is here handiwork: http://michianarunners.blogspot.com/
Thanks Kat! Keep blogging!
Here is here handiwork: http://michianarunners.blogspot.com/
Thanks Kat! Keep blogging!
Monday, April 2, 2012
My new crack
Right now I am totally 100% obsessed with Lululemon. The addiction is pretty bad. I pretty much stalk the site every night, fawning over the beautiful threads.
This is what (some) runners do. And why not? If you're going to be spending hours upon hours training, you should definitely be comfortable... AND feel great about what you are wearing!
Seeing as I spend roughly 85% of my time in athletic apparel, I feel like the new addiction is fairly healthy. I mean, at least it's useful, right? And so cute!!
How did it start? My mother in law, Becky. Yep, Becky, it's all your fault!! :)
At Christmas she bought me a beautiful black running jacket with sweet detailing. The hood had a ponytail holder. There were thumb holes and hand covers--amazing! It was warm and comfy for my first long runs in training. After that, it all went down hill.... and now I'm on the site all the time. This does not mean I'm buying things all the time--just oogling them!
However, I did purchase the Pace Setter Skirt (birthday money!) and absolutely LOVE it!! I'm pretty sure it is the most comfortable skirt I've run in--and I've gone through a few. The shorts stay in place. Just good stuff. Highly recommend if you are looking for a great running skirt! Isn't it cute?!? No, those are NOT my legs. I WISH!
This is what (some) runners do. And why not? If you're going to be spending hours upon hours training, you should definitely be comfortable... AND feel great about what you are wearing!
Seeing as I spend roughly 85% of my time in athletic apparel, I feel like the new addiction is fairly healthy. I mean, at least it's useful, right? And so cute!!
How did it start? My mother in law, Becky. Yep, Becky, it's all your fault!! :)
At Christmas she bought me a beautiful black running jacket with sweet detailing. The hood had a ponytail holder. There were thumb holes and hand covers--amazing! It was warm and comfy for my first long runs in training. After that, it all went down hill.... and now I'm on the site all the time. This does not mean I'm buying things all the time--just oogling them!
However, I did purchase the Pace Setter Skirt (birthday money!) and absolutely LOVE it!! I'm pretty sure it is the most comfortable skirt I've run in--and I've gone through a few. The shorts stay in place. Just good stuff. Highly recommend if you are looking for a great running skirt! Isn't it cute?!? No, those are NOT my legs. I WISH!
It's not cheap---so a lot of looking but I thought I would share... in case anyone else needed to have a fun little obsession for a while. I just love that there are more companies like Lululemon, creating great garmets for running and working out :)
Lululemon has been showcased recently because of their business success.
Check out the recent article in the Wall Street Journal. Shop today at: http://www.lululemon.com/!
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